Frankly, I have never given much thought to Christmas all these years. This festival has always been, at most, about presents and parties - when we were children, it was C2's parties (with lots of presents for everyone young and old and a feast of ham and turkey etc), and we ourselves became parents, it was 'our own' home parties (still with many presents mainly for the boys but with simpler fare, usually homecooked by either Mother and/or YP).
This year, I have many many thoughts. Some happy and some not so happy. I also feel very 烦 about so many things. Work as well as family.
Most of all, I am 烦 about Father. And Mother. Sigh.
I think temporary segregation/quarantine is still best. And even though at first it looks like there are various possibilities, I think the most feasible are the following 2 options:
a) Mother moves 'up' to stay with us and Father remains where he is;
b) Father moves to another location nearby and Mother remains where she is.
Given that Mother cannot do without her friends and daily-exercise/outing kakis, it will not be a sustenable solution to get her to move to AMK or Jelapang or even CH (although she can still meet up with her friends and kakis if she stays at AMK or Jelapang).
When I broached possibility b) and suggested, perhaps, we could discuss it with HA to explore if he would agree to let his father recuperate at his flat in the next block, I was scolded by Mother, "It is not reasonable to ask HA to lose the $700-$800 monthly rental just so that the Sick One can stay at his house!"
Anyway, I cannot put down in words the many many thoughts I have about this whole problem. About this Christmas.
My colleagues and I will be having a simple makan party later before we all go off. We have a half-day holiday today.
Afterwards, we will pick up WY and WF who are now having their party in CHSchool and then in the late afternoon, all of us including Mother will also be going to YP's house for our 'home' party. The boys will definitely have a great time computing and xboxing as we tuck into our feast of ham, log-cake, kueh pie-tee and whatever other food that YP will be preparing. CP will be going directly from her office - she has no half-day off.
As for Father, I am only relieved to hear this morning that he has finally decided to surrender his taxi to the company. In fact, he called me on my hp to tell me this (actually, also to ask me for help to get the doctor to issue a medical note certifying that he is currently not fit to drive) this morning. Considering that he seldom calls me and is always very stubborn and refuses to heed our advice, I think this is a very positive progress.
On reflection, I started this year with having to deal with Chicken Pox (3 cases!). Now I end the year with having to deal with Leprosy. Sigh.
I know what I will ask of Santa tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
树欲静而风不止，子欲养而亲不在。
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
I had no idea it was so serious.
And I could not be of any help, since I am 7000km away.
Let me know which option you think is best, and I am ready to do my bit.
Did anyone ask him how he obtained this illness? In any case, what is the diagnosis and what is the remedy or next steps in the next few months/years?
Is there no quarantine clinic or hospital for this Leprosy. Is it really leprosy? I thought this disease is already eradicated in modern Singapore?
Let me know.
Given modern medical advances and discovery of more effective drugs which can now completely cure leprosy, the Leprosy Ordinance has been repealed since 1985 and the once-feared quarantine house/hospital called Trafalgar Hospital specialising in the care of leprosy patients, has been closed for more than 2 decades now.
The management of leprosy care and control is now entrusted to the National Skin Centre. Check out its website for more details if interested.
Some useful info on linked articles also available if you yahoo or google on 'leprosy'.
It is not difficult to evaluate rationally which of the 2 possibilities I have suggested here, is 'better'. But what is rationally 'better' may not go down well with everybody, so I dare not say more than that sacrifices are inevitable whichever 'option' is chosen.
The latest update I can offer here is that Mother has agreed in principle that she will come 'up' to my place during the day but she prefers to return to sleep in her own room at night. Cooking etc will now be gradually moved upstairs, too.
Sigh. S-i-g-h.......
It is not my intention to appear uncooperative, but how can you be sure F wants to "move out" too?
To an elderly man who has always been the "bane and wane" of the family, this could be the last straw for him, being "kicked out" of his own home by his own family when he needs their support the most.
Not many people may know or understand or want to understand what is going on in his mind right now.
Nobody would like to contract this disease and this very disease is also very reputation-damaging. Lepers are shunned by society due to the hedious skins they develop.
By placing him away from the main home, he may feel very sad (as if he is not sad enough through his own actions in the last 20 years) that his children and wife are "sick of him" and wants him out of sight.
I would suggest that he stays put in his own home, while M can stay with you (and sleep in your home). You need to persuade her to do so, for the "good" of the children that she does not contract this disease too.
Although medically, it may already be too late and she may also have had the virus in her because she lived in the same household. (I have already been researching this disease since the last time I read this blog).
I have thought about giving up my flat to let F stay there.
There are some "difficulties" which may sound selfish, but being pragmatic Singaporeans as we all are, I present them here, just for information.
Rent is $800. It helps us pay for the mortgage and we are now on a single income, so every little cash helps.
Roland is a nice lad, and he is swiss, I would dread looking for another tenant, when F recovers and moves back to main home. It is not easy/possible to find such a tenant again.
Another point is that my next-door neighbours in the block will not like the fact that we move F to their location in his condition. If your neighbour did that to you, what would be your thoughts? Not that we should care too much, but staying put in the M house, the existing neighbours should have no reason to conjure unpleasantries, since we are old neighbours already.
Plus 1 more subtle point: "we could discuss it with HA to explore if he would agree to let his father recuperate at his flat in the next block"
I believe you should use "our" instead of emphasing on "his". I could not fathom why you wrote this way, but I put it down to stress.
(I re-read your blog entry like 10 times, btw).
I would have used 'my father' if I were writing about Father vis-a-vis myself; I would have used 'her father' if I were writing about Father vis-a-vis CP or YP. So, since I was writing about Father vis-a-vis HA, naturally I used 'his father', lor.
Nothing significant about use of 'his father'. Why read so much into this? There is neither bone nor feather in the egg.
Like I said, there are many many pros and cons whether Father 'moves' or Mother 'moves'. 'Rational evaluation' can derive only rational justifications for whatever 'option' chosen. But as is almost always the case in any situation, it is what is on the grounds that really matters.
I can only comment that the key to try to remember is Priority.
Lest I be misunderstood or be mistaken to be pushing for Father to move, I want to add - I have no personal preference on who 'moves'.
It is just that I find it very tormenting to see this/these and hear that/those and not being able to reconcile all the this/these and all the that/those......
When one writes, other reads. I am sure no one writes so that no one reads.
The level and depth of interpretation on what is written are based on the communication skills and choice of words the writer chooses, combined with the context and emotions of the reader when he reads the text.
Having read Law, I am sure you are very skilled in writing.
In other words, it was easy to misunderstand what was written in your original post, given the context and emotions involved.
If there is really no preference on who moves where and who stays put, then the preferences of others may be then considered into the approach chosen.
Having said that, I still maintain that I am open to options which may involve me "sacrificing". We may be distant away but we are still concerned and want to help.
An important point I would put across is this: consider and also consult Father what would be an acceptable solution for him.
I am sure he can be reasonable when one talks reasonably with him.
No one likes prescribed actions or decisions taken without consent.
If you ask for my opinion, the least "changes" option means Father stays put and Mother goes and stays with you. This option has no selfish connotation. In fact, I thought this option is not even a sacrifice but a gain for Mother to stay in your home? If it was me, it would be an advantage in all ways!?!
If you say and mean you have no preferences, then here is my preference, even if I don't seem to know the ground.
Or do you really have another preference?
It may be better if we speak on the telephone and not through this forum, because my writing skills and interpretation skills are not as polished as yours, and this can lead to misundertandings.
=============Medical===============
Contrary to traditional views, leprosy is not very contagious but steps still need to be taken so that the virus does not incubate with the co-inhabitants of the patient.
That means, quarantine is still preferred.
Is Father being treated with medicines now to kill the contagious stage? I read that this should be done asap.
After that, leprosy is completely curable within 6 to 12 months, given the right treatment and followup. Nerves damage and tissue scarring can be minimised if action is taken early.
That is the little I know.
BTW, with Mother's comments on "unreasonable to ask HA to sacrifice money"...
I strongly believe if the roles are reversed, she would say the same for any of her children. That means you, you and you.
Again, I don't know why you should get upset when given this response by her. (I perceived your frustration from the way you wrote)
Was her response unacceptable to you, as a response from a mother who knows the value of the money involved? Or is it because it looked like she was protecting money of HA's?
I think I may have misunderstood your emotive writing here, but objectively, Mother was correct to respond instinctively like that. Most people, esp Singaporeans will speak the same way.
BTW, is there a clinic or nursing home which Father can go to for duration of remedy? I found on the internet SILRA. It is a home for Leprosy patients. They may have better facilities and doctors there? It may be better than nursing him by yourselves? You know how busy you all are...
Perhaps appearing to add fuel to the raging fire, I want to ask and would like you to address specifically what you mean by "priority"?
It is all very easy to say this generic word.
But by whose priority are we talking about? Yours? Father's? Mother's? Mine?
And what is the priority (measure) that you are basing your argument on? Recovery time? Speed of separating him from the other people? What is it?
It is all RELATIVE, my dear sister.
:D
If need be, I can talk to mother about her moving totally up to you. I think she may listen to me.
Let me try ok?
Post a Comment