1986 - Alumni Band Impossible

In TK Band, it was a very entrenched practice for ex-members to come back for visits and to 'help out' in the band, especially for the band's preparation for its Outdoor Competitions every alternate year.

Some of these ex-members were really helpful and always had words of encouragement for us. Some, however, acted like they only wanted to cling on to their 'authority' and 'leader' status - you know, those who wouldn't let go. The latter bossed us around.

When I was only a recruit in Sec 1, there were several girls in my class who were band members. Our band major then was a very high-profile leader in school called Mona T. Mona T was the head prefect of the school, an accomplished athlete and from what I understood, excelled in her studies, too. So we all looked up to her and respected her tremendously.

One day, during our end-of-the-day PE lesson somewhere in the field behind the Science block, my band member classmates and I saw Mona T being 'counselled' by an ex-member whom we later knew was called Caroline (an elder sister of Magdalene, our TK Tech drum majorette that year). Mona T was sobbing a little as her head remained bowed. We could see Caroline speaking rather sternly at Mona T.

As my classmates and I were unsure if there was going to be band practice on the Saturday which was approaching that week, my classmates 'instigated' me to go and check with Mona T. I hesitated a while but decided to approach Mona T anyway.

I walked towards Mona T as my classmates looked on from a distance. In a hesitant voice, I asked her, "Erm, excuse me, Mona. My friends and I would like to know whether there will be band practice this Saturday. Is there?"

Mona T looked up, her eyes red. I was quite shocked at this, but before I could react, Caroline barked, "Can't you see the notice board?! The band has a notice board, doesn't it?! What is the notice board for?!"

Instantly, I felt a gush of hot tears come to my eyes. Who was this stupid, idiotic, freckled-face woman?! How dare she barks at me right in front of my band major?!! Just what did she think she was?!!!! In any case, I wasn't even asking her the question!

Thoroughly embarrassed, I backed off quickly with a sheepish 'sorry' to Mona T. I went back to my classmates, who were equally shocked at the situation, and I chided them for getting me 'into trouble'!

After that incident, I became more aware and wary of these ex-members thing in TK Band. I began to observe that whilst a few were genuinely concerned (that recruits like us were settling in), many more were bossing their way around. I figured that they must have been some really prominent leaders in the band in earlier years, given the close relationship they seemed to enjoy with Ms J.

2 or 3 of them were literally shadowing Ms J at every Saturday practice. They would carry Ms J's handbag, loudhailer and straw hat as Ms J scaled the stairs of the new block which overlooked the field. As we stood in the hot sun in Ms J's direct view from the top staircase landing of the block, we could see these ex-members conferencing with Ms J at almost every opportunity.

The culture of the band was such that no one ever questioned aloud the role of these ex-members. And so, as the year went by, I also came to understand that the ex-members' presence was regarded as a 'normal' phenomenon.

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It was a normal process that when the Sec 1 recruits became promoted to Sec 2, a handful would be selected for the NCO camp. At this national camp, these selected candidates for 'potential' leadership roles would be trained formally in footdrills, learning the Malay commands and so on. And then they would graduate with their much-admired NCO badges which they would be entitled to proudly pin on their sleeves of the band uniform.

In 1984, however, there was no NCO camp. Up till today, I have no idea why that was so. The camp resumed the year after (when we were in Sec 3) but by then, it was already our juniors' turn to be selected for the NCO training. In gist, my batch of members did not get to go on any NCO camp. None of us had the chance to earn the NCO badge. And so, none of us had the badge.

Our seniors were equally puzzled at the non-organising of the NCO camp in 1984. So, to make sure that there would still be a continued cohort of band leaders, they conducted some in-house DIY footdrills training for some of us. To their credit, they tried their best to mimick what they received at their NCO camp previously. But to me, these were really quite informal.

After the DIY training, the few of us who were 'trained' became in charge of the footdrills in the morning practices held for PM session members. By then, we were in Sec 3 (1985) and being the most senior members of the band in the morning practices, we were tasked with taking care of the footdrill practices during these morning practices. Our senior NCO-trained leaders were already in the AM session school by then and so they took charge only on the Saturday combined practices.

One day, I was taking one segment of the band for footdrill practice. I remember that we were in the field behind the band room. We were about half way through the scheduled drills when one ex-member who was Ms J's constant shadow, came over and suddenly took over the command without warning!

Now, it was an established footdrill rule that when person A is in command, no one should simply take over the command without first informing the person A and the contingent. This is only logical because otherwise, how is the contingent to know whose command it should listen to? Besides, it is such a rude thing to do because what would person A be left with, ha?!

I had sent my segment of the band on a quick march (cepat jalan). Before I could even give the command to make a u-turn, this ex-member simply ran over and shouted stop (berhenti)!!

The members were instantly confused over the sudden change in command. Some paused, some looked back and some simply ignored it and went on! So you can imagine the confusion and chaos. Fortunately, we were not having our instruments with us, so no one bumped into anyone's instrument etc.

This ex-member did not even acknowledge or say anything about what she was seeking to do. She simply told the confused lot, "Now I want you all to go quickly to the corridor to join the other group. Be quick, run, run, run!"

Upon hearing this 'urgent' thing, everyone scuttered towards the corridor a few umbrellas away. They were followed closely by the 'new commander'. I was left standing at my original position alone. No explanation whatsoever, much less an apology.

To me, if this were not an act of insult and a complete 'see-you-no-up' attitude, what was it?! As it later turned out to be, she had only wanted the members to join another segment of band members so they could try out some positioning for one part of the formation! Was that really such a life-and-death matter that she had to do such a thing?!

I 'complained' about this to my senior fellow trumpeter called HC. She was our quarter mistress. She comforted me and said to ignore such insolent behaviour - she also shared with me that some of these bossy ex-members still lived in their own times and world, thinking that they had an extended tenure.

The incident left a big impression on me. But I did let it pass as best as I could.

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The ex-members contributed in many ways in the 1985 Outdoors. Without their contributions in ideas and support, I am sure the band wouldn't have been able to execute such creative, challenging and beautiful moves in the competition as we did so successfully. And the Gold which we won wouldn't have been such a certainty.

I vividly remember how Ms J would be surrounded by these ex-members more frequently during the times when we were practising for our Outdoors . That ex-member who 'snatched over the command' even helped to fan Ms J because the weather had been so unbearably hot! My friends and I even joked about it during our breaks, hahahaha....

After the 1985 Gold, the band became a little more 'relaxed' briefly. During this time, some more ex-members began to pop by and pick up the instruments to play the music pieces from the files. Each Saturday, there would be 4-5 different persons. There was no fixed number; once when 8 came, some of whom I had never even seen before.

Each Staurday, these ex-members would arrive late in the afternoon at no fixed time (as early as 2pm and as late as 6pm) and stay on till 8-9pm. They would take some instruments and played on them somewhere around the band room, and borrow the files feely. Ms J left them alone (Ms J didn't stay late most days). However, my committee members, particularly the quarter mistress and librarians and myself, had a hard time as we stayed on way past 9pm just to make sure that everything was returned and kept properly on every of these oaccsions. And this went on for about a month or so. We all felt very, very exhausted.

I guessed the ex-members were probably feeling very nostalgic about their glorious days in TK Band. They later started to talk a lot about forming an Alumni Band. A few very enthusiastic ones began to float the idea up to Ms J, who naturally supported it. They all continued to talk amongst themselves about their Alumni Band plan.

It was some time during this period that the Indoor Competition thing and NZ trip thing started to come about - in this post, I would collectively call them the 'Difficulties'. And so, this big talk about forming an Alumni Band and the Difficulties went on simultaneously. Imagine how my committee members and I were taxed through our bones during this period of time.

One day, I asked Ms J about the ex-members' talk. Ms J was a little hesitant and said there should be a discussion on it soon. From my assessment, it appeared that Ms J wouldn't mind an Alumni Band to be set up but she knew that the focus was still on our band, our existing band. She didn't say this, of course, but I knew that Ms J took the NZ trip and the resultant need to participate in the Indoors, very seriously.

I asked Ms J if it would be appropriate for me to sound out our teachers in charge first. Ms J said, yah, that would be the correct thing to do. And so, I sounded Ms Koh and Mrs Kooi out.

Both these teachers were very shocked upon hearing that the Alumni Band, if formed, would be sharing the instruments and library of the band! (Actually, I thought they were silly to be shocked. If the Alumni Band was going to have its own resources, why would I have had to ask them, right?!)

Mrs Kooi didn't say much but remained uncommittal. Ms Koh, on the other hand, 'screamed and yelled' at me, telling me eventually, "LP, we don't agree that the Alumni Band which is outside of the school, sharing the band's property. In fact, it is wrong of you people to now even let them use our instruments and music scores! They have already left the school! I want to remind you that if anything should happen to the instruments, eg they get lost or damaged, then you will have to be personally responsible!.... I suggest that you think over carefully. You and your committee."

So, given the teachers' attitude and knowing the TKGS principal's attitude towards the band also, I knew the Alumni Band proposal would be a no-go as far as the school was concerned. But I did not want to outrightly tell Ms J on what the nasty things Ms Koh had told me, just in case Ms J became upset. And in any case, Ms J would probably have to deal a lot more with Ms Koh on the NZ trip, so why say these to Ms J? So I fretted for a while.

But little did I know that whilst I was becoming more troubled with all this fretting, the ex-members were already setting up a meeting between the ex-members and us, the committee members of the exisitng band. The meeting, to be held in a classroom after one band practice, was to be attended also by Ms J!

I quickly gathered my committee members for a meeting one day after school, told them briefly my stand and what I could gather from the teachers about the school's attitude. We shared extensively also on our respective difficulties coping with all those prolonged hours on each Saturday for the past month or so. We also shared our grouses about how some of the ex-members were adopting a couldn't-care-less attitude about the instruments and music scores etc. And how we didn't even know if those who came were really ex-members?!

We spoke and spoke, grumbled and discussed, talked and talked. Not only of the Alumni Band proposal, but also of the simultaneous 'Difficulties' that we had to face and deal with at the same time. Eventually, our consensus was that we couldn't support this Alumni Band proposal - it was just not possible for the time being.

I tried not to think too much on the day of the meeting with the ex-members, which my committee members attended. Another non-committee Sec 4 member called KP also attended.

The meeting was opened and chaired by one of the ex-members. There was a round of self-introduction, then this chairperson started to talk about the reasons and objectives of wanting to form the Alumni Band etc etc. It was a long speech but we bore with it. It sounded very logical and very inspiring, in fact. I remember that I stole glances at Ms J sitting by the side every now and then, not knowing myself whether or not I should hope that she would say something or hope that she would continue to keep quiet.

Before we knew it, the ex-members were beginning to put names on its pro-temp committee. Being the band major, I was naturally put up as a secretary or something. I was beginning to feel terribly uncomfortable about this whole thing then, but I just kept silent. My fellow band major, R, gave me such an incredulous look then, as if asking me, "Why you don't say something?!"

The chairperson, however, just went on and on filling in more names. She paused only when another ex-member present in the classroom (I heard that that other ex-member was a lawyer) pointed out to her that I hadn't given my consent to be put up in the pro-temp. By then, I knew I had to stand up to say my piece.

It wasn't easy for me to explain to the ex-members the difficulties that my committee members and I were facing and what our position vis-a-vis the Alumni Band proposal was. The eager and upbeat ex-members were all so drenched in their excitement that they just refused to hear us out. They couldn't understand why we couldn't support their seemingly-perfect plan for the Alumni Band, what with its registration as a society etc etc. They snorted at us and accused us of being in their way when what they were trying to do was to help Ms J fulfil her dream of setting up an Alumni Band!

Such accusations were hard to stomach and difficult not to defend. We tried to reason with these older, supposedly wiser people to no avail. I remember that they even retorted me when I said that our duty was to take care of the existing band and that we were trying our very best to do this because there were just so many things threatening the band at that time! I think I used the word 'catalyst'.

Whatever we said, the ex-members just didn't get them into their heads. They seemed to have been driven crazy by this Alumni Band idea and refused to accept that it was just not the right time for the Alumni Band then.

After this, things really got out of hand, with lots of shouting and hot tears from both sides (more from the ex-members, actually). At one point, KP even had to stand up on the table to make his point, much to my amazement (because KP was usually quiet and soft-spoken)! Yes, it was really that dramatic!

But it was a totally awful experience. The meeting ended with both sides parting on a very, very bad note. I felt so sad when I saw Ms J go off in her car after comforting a sobbing ex-member after the meeting. Ms J didn't say a word to me but I knew she was very sad.

Sad, we all were, too. I stayed on for a long time after that meeting and when SC and I eventually boarded the bus to head home together late that night, there was only silence between us. I was completely drained, both physically and mentally.

After this episode, I was viewed by many ex-members as being a sort of tumbling block in their continued relationship with the band. Almost all stopped coming to visit the band and Ms J. In this sense, 1986 was a very 'lonely' year for the band and Ms J; it wasn't, also in this sense, a 'normal' year.

But I could not help what these people thought of me. My duty and focus were and had always remained with the existing band. And this, I must say: I am very glad and very, very proud of my committee members and team of Sec 4 members because we had persevered and stayed the course.

In 1986, the band survived the Indoor Competition very much without any help from the ex-members. Although we did not get a Gold medal (instead, we had 2 bronzes), I have always been proud of our achievement.

If only the ex-members knew what we had to go through that year.

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It was because of this meeting's outcome that I always hesitated to visit Ms J no matter how much I had longed to do so all these years.

From the bottom of my heart, I know that what we did had been done in the best interest of the band. But I wasn't sure if Ms J had understood us, or whether she had believed the ex-members who had accused us of preventing her from fulfilling her dream of setting up an Alumni Band.

What if it were the latter? Would I have been able to take Ms J's cold shoulder?....

Now that I have finally visited Ms J and know that she remembers me as being very, very, very, very, very... dear to her, I realise that I had been so silly to think that she might not have understood us back then. I should have trusted her trust in us.